When girls drink.... 
- We have no idea where our handbag is.
 - We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our bums while yelling "Woooohoo!" is truly the sexiest dance move ever!
 - We suddenly decide that we want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe we could do it.
 - In our last trip to pee we realise that we now look more like a Homeless Hooker than the Goddess that we were four hours ago.
 - We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them sooooo much.
 - We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song comes on and we yell "Oh My God, its my song! I looooove this song".
 - We find a deeper, spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us.
 - We feel the need to flash our tits.
 - We suddenly take up smoking and we are very good at it.
 - We accuse the bartender of diddling us because we believe he's serving us lemonade but its just that we can no longer taste the gin.
 - We think we are in bed but we've been curled up on the kitchen floor for ages using a mop as a pillow with our skirt hiked up to our waist.
 - We fail to notice that the toilet seat is down.
 - We take our shoes off because we feel that it is their fault we're having trouble walking straight.
 - We get louder and louder as the evening progresses and don't feel that the alcohol is affecting us at all. "I'm fiiiinnne!"
 
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Whiskey, 
I say I'm fucking thirsty, not dirty!